Itβs a choice I have. One or the other.
βBitternessβ reveals where my hope came from. If I remain bitter, Iβm holding a grudge, having a tantrum, bathing in self-pity. It reveals my hope was in a circumstance β some concept I dreamt up. It is full-of-pride, U-G-L-Y.
But today I learned there is a difference between βbitternessβ and βdisappointmentβ.Β It is truly possible to be disappointed, and yet NOT become bitter!Β Probably seems pretty elementary, but I do believe I lumped them both into the same category for far too long.
It has to do with Whom I am lamenting toβ¦ When I cry to man (which includes myself), I become bitter and self-righteous.Β When I cry to my Father, light is shed onto the narrow path of βaccepting changeβ because He knows a better way.Β And I donβt need to know why, I just need to trust and obey. <Psalm 119:105, Proverbs 3:5-6>
Change is hard.Β Unexpected change is even harder. Β Β Β Β
Here are just a few things His light has made visible to me today:
Just because I have the vehicle, it doesnβt mean I can make the trip.Β If the vehicle malfunctions, the trip isnβt possible. If my hope is in the vehicle, I will be bitterβ¦
Just because I have the funds to participate in an activity, it doesnβt mean theyβll get spent on that activity. If my hope is in the activity, I will be bitter if the funds are spent on something elseβ¦
Just because Iβve prepared to be absent, it doesnβt mean I wonβt still be here.Β If my hope is in being away, I will be bitter if I cannot go.
Just because Iβve done my homework, it doesnβt mean there wonβt be hiccups. Β If my hope is in my efforts, I will be bitter with anything less than perfect.
Just because help is offered, it doesnβt mean it can be accepted. Β If my hope is in an alternate plan, I will be bitter if that plan doesnβt work either.
Just because I canβt go where I want, it doesnβt mean Iβm not where He wants me.Β If my hope is in the journey, I will be bitter about my life.Β IF MY HOPE IS IN THE LORD, MY JOURNEY IS WHERE HE IS, AND SINCE I AM NOW HIS CHILD, HE RESIDES INSIDE ME. SO WHERE I AM, SO IS HE.Β BITTERNESS G-O-N-E!!!Β <1 Corinthians 3:11, Galatians 2:20>
Just because I feel disappointed, it doesnβt mean I canβt mourn the loss of whatever it was.Β It just means I must learn how to mourn in a way that reveals Who my TRUE HOPE is in.Β <2 Corinthians 4:15-18> And herein lies the lesson for me:Β If it is the Lordβs will, we will live and do this or that. <James 4:13-15>
I think I need to say that again:Β If it is the Lordβs will, we will live and do this or that. <sigh>
OUCH.
Not a fun revelation, but a necessary lesson.
Lord, I come before You with tears of both disappointment and joy.Β My heart aches for the trip we couldnβt make today, but I am so thankful we arrived back home safely and werenβt stranded in this bitter cold.Β Iβm grateful we have those funds now to put toward fixing our vehicle.Β Lord, You know the efforts that were put into preparing to be gone from here β You will use that βfruitβ to sustain us a future day, just not the one I thought it was for!Β You are teaching me how to find joy in each moment, instead of βwhatβs nextβ.Β Iβm now one step closer to living contentedly β the way You want me to live.Β These growing pains hurt, Lord, but I find comfort in You, and You alone.Β You have surrounded us with so many who love us β just their willingness to help has been so encouraging, and we thank You for their support.Β And Father, there are not sufficient words to explain the beauty of watching our sons handle todayβs disappointment.Β Their compassion and lack of resentment has revealed a maturity in them that we havenβt seen before.Β And witnessing that growth is pulling us all closer together.Β Together we mourned the loss of βour planβ, and now the conversion of our will to Yours, begins.Β May this serve to motivate me to persevere in βliving and doing this or thatβ.Β May my faith be unshaken.
I now know why You led me to meditate on these three passages yesterday β You were preparing me for re-aligning my Hope today so that there is no room for bitterness in me:Β The end of all things is near.Β Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. (1 Peter 4:7)Β Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.Β Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. (1 Peter 5:8-9)Β Therefore, holy brothers, who share in the heavenly calling, FIX YOUR THOUGHTS ON JESUSβ¦ (Hebrews 3:1a)Β
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